My first crush, 13yrs old viewing a performer in a play at my sister’s high school. To me she was a vision, unaware my crush was a combination of her appearance and the role she was playing. With this false insight, I was enamoured with the notion of becoming a similar performer that I might develop a relationship after being introduced to her.


I did join my high school’s theatre troupe only to discover stage-fright and the malady of needing-to-pee before going on-stage. There were a lot going on with me, in my life, unbeknownst to me. The natural was biological about which none was willing to elaborate, another being the imminent emigration to result in the reunion of our mother who had to leave us behind throughout my formative years.


I carried this crush, romantic fantasy with me throughout the years that followed. Not a week went ‘bye’ for the following 5yrs increasing the homesickness feeling in accompaniment. Then, I was able to return to my birth country, most eager to rekindle that spark of what I believed to have been love at first sight.


After landing, I set about finding my lost love. I was to be dealt a blow that was to become familiar as a ‘growing pain’ in years to come. I was able to make contact, and made arrangements to visit her at home. It had not occurred to me that we had but seen each other less than five times entering our teens, and five years had passed with each of us having vastly different experiences.


I made my way to her home. Her mother greeted me and seated me on the veranda with lemonade to cool the heat of the afternoon. She then appeared, not the vision I had carried all these years. Her hair in curlers, slightly acned and underdressed as she was preparing to go out on a date. I put on the best accepting face I could muster, as we sat and exchanged pleasantries that revealed she barely recalled meeting me. I was her friend’s brother, a position I was to have for many decades to follow. Time passed quickly, yet slowly simultaneously, whereupon I bid my farewell never to see her again.


I often thought of her, as the years drew bye. Especially, walking through the few neighbourhoods I recalled noticing how much narrower the roads seemed than in my childhood. It was on one of those meanderings I became aware of the adage, “I could not go home again.” What was to follow only solidified that notion no matter my wishful thinking.


I have visited my birth country maybe seven times in the fifty-five years since I’ve emigrated, the last being the funeral of the man designated my father. A man of whom I have a regard that cannot be defined, as I have no idea/concept of what ‘father’ means. But, we did have cordial relations, unlike the ones he had with my sibling and her relations, as well as my other relatives who knew and talked of their relationship with him.


Through it all, I learned to make my home wherever I am of a mind.




9. Before Emigrating '62





Late one afternoon, while walking down Yonge St. below College St., the Carlton St. side, I happened upon what appeared a transaction involving a gift-card sale. The prospective buyer was in the process of taking a snap-shot of the card’s face ’n chip while the seller was keeping his pitch ongoing. Upon hearing this, a familiar episode of mine from the Christmas season of 2015 vividly came to mind.


I remember walking down the same side of Yonge St. feeling the Christmas Spirit,
just above Dundas E, a fellow in a parked upscale SUV asked for directions to the airport, which was how my escapade began ending with me a sizeable sum lighter but with fashion attire I wasn’t one to ordinarily purchase.


Prior to this was a notable experience in the 80s with one I mistakenly took for a friend, having spent time with others in friendly engagements, such as partying poolside at his home in the burbs. Similarly, as in my Yonge St. stroll, I was in a harmonic glow, which he recognized and took advantage of, weighing in my sense of friendship. He used it quite well in ‘borrowing’ a sizeable sum he delayed in repaying, until surmised it best I to walk away from as another lesson.


Happening upon me on leisurely walkabout often finds me vulnerable. Exposures I am want to guard against, considering these two references are but the tip of the iceberg when it comes to such encounters. Escapades, including panhandling/street-homeless folks, round out seduction scenarios around this fair city of ours. In times of need, survival instincts surface to create prey and victim of family, friends and strangers alike.






At the most inopportune times, I catch myself every now and then contemplating aging out. By this, I mean passing through a pleasing experience, not wanting it to end and wanting more.


Then, I think to myself, this will all be gone never to be sensed in this manner, ever again!


It becomes ever more apparent the importance of savouring this now moment; not the following passive homage to quips/quotes of other people, but the actual immersion into each imminent moment.


I do admit, it might be the temporality of it all that makes for these momentary specialness in moving on…




4a. George Gallegos- Carey Grant 21.10.17

George Gallegos- Carey Grant



Saturday, 19:02hrs, changing from my outdoor attire into my lounging attire for the evening, a thought strolled through my consciousness that went something like this:


“Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to have a companion to share a comfortable dwelling? Many have suggested just such an idea, and I engaged myself with the sensation of imagining that scenario. However, this balancing thought followed; me having to endure the idiosyncrasies that hopefully, to say the least, were compatible.


Then, there was this notion of what many deem the ‘honeymoon’ phase, which I dubbed the ‘immunization’ phase! It then became clear that that was in fact what it was!


During each of those ‘passionate’ embraces, the heat-of-passion whose raised temperature insertions were mere euphemistic immunization injections! The swapping-of-spit with health benefits, in preparation for offspring(s) down the road.”


Oh, what a Life this is!




12c. Once Was

Invasive Thoughts




While laying in bed some mornings, having assessed weak areas in this physical form, I wonder at the off-chance an odd Twist-of-Fate may leave me motionless and unable to call for help.


Then, laying here having timely bodily functions occurring, their odours and feel surrounding me in my sealed living space, until investigations from neighbours’ complaints facilitate me being found.


Question is, will it be days-weeks, or longer; and, will I be alive to endure the aftermath processes?


A tip of the iceberg conundrum living alone while growing older amidst privacy and individualism social dogma.


Whatever ensues, I’m making the best of Time being borrowed.




1b. Sunrise 2 - 27.6.16*





After much consternation, and results of many insights shared, some kept within, it is my belief there are those who have realized that we share many common experiences. In these common experiences, there are those choose to help others and those who choose to take advantage wherever possible.


I have accepted the notion that those who choose to ‘take advantage’ of others are Life’s indigenous teachers, some of us surviving/overcoming their lessons while others not.


My concerns are of those who choose-to-help conditionally by which many, like myself, become a member of the walking wounded. It matters not whether their ‘conditions’ are biased for benefit of self/family/friends/socio-economic/political positioning. What does matter are the results of these chosen conditions, because the walking-wounded ‘pay forward their wounding’ reflexively becoming aware if attending to feedback by their behaviour.


Most will, by remaining unaware of the types-of-poison they’re passing on within society, increase harmful conditions instead of the benefits learning/overcoming the choices of those ‘teachers in Life’. Conditions claimed to be ingredients of the belief system deemed, ‘survival of the fittest’ in the apparent self-perpetuating Free Market System!


My question is, how many of us are aware which type of person we are, and are willing to address actions outcomes once realized? The problem is, in our current ‘survival of the fittest’ system, how to survive the onslaught of the pervasiveness of ongoing wounding while distracted by increasingly sophisticated media-hype?


Do you know?



14b. The Aftermath

My Eyes Wide Shut


A  C  C  U  M  U  L  A  T  I  O  N  S


There are times when I take the time to look roundabout me only to notice that all my belongings grew into possessions, to the level of clutter accumulated over decades and I ask my self, “How did this ‘happen right before my very eyes’?


Was I so caught up in acquiescence to requests by others not to notice acceptance was tantamount to blind trust gone awry?


How did this ‘occur’ when there was no ‘intent’ or desire/design on my part to acquire any ‘stuff’, having lived a transient, gypsy-like life!? W T F happened!!?!!


Well, coming to an abrupt turn in the road I have been given the opportunity to take stock and discovered a 30yr collection, which has stories contained within each mound. A herculean task awaits and I must face what has gone unnoticed over decades.


Wish me luck, please.




A K – 13




Oh, what a day that had been! Plans were changed the night before due to needing a less aesthetically demanding day. On the way to an ethnic-flavoured luncheon followed by a matinee movie with a neighbour. My body’s internal heat factor running high, I elected to untie my silk scarf and leave it askance about my neck secure in the feeling I’d be aware of its presence.


As circumstances would have it, conversation and other distractions, I lost track of my sensibilities keeping track. Lunch was had, with varied conversation topics followed by a stroll with an ad hoc search while awaiting the movie’s scheduled time. The day was sunny, clouds slowly moving with promise of fulfilling the rain forecasted.


We entered the theatre, I took the stairs and my friend the escalator. Upon entering our designated purchased auditorium I realized I had misplaced my silk scarf along the way. Too late now, the movie was in previews mode and I began to guesstimate all sorts of scenarios of where and how the loss took place, and my plan to retrace my steps to see if this much complimented scarf will be found.


The film ended, a much needed bathroom break achieved followed by interrupted departure to ascertain IF the scarf was lost inside the theatre and was returned to the theatre’s Lost ’n Found location? It was not. In the rain, we began retracing our steps when I wondered if we ought to check our stroll-after-lunch route, just in case. I doubted the possibility of this scarf being picked up and made available on such a busy thoroughfare, but no stone left unturned, as the saying goes. I was correct, it was nowhere to be seen, much less found.


In the declining rainfall, we resumed our interrupted earlier route, all the while hoping but not expecting to be proven correct in my assumption. The scarf slid off my shoulder onto the sidewalk near a major intersection, was picked up and placed in a visible location if I was to return seeking it. We talked as we walked, keeping an eye out for the act of that kindly soul having done the right thing.


Approaching the major intersection, retracing our earlier route, I saw to my joy and amazement my beloved and much compliment scarf atop a mailbox in a doorway. My friend was also amazed and remarked he would not have known that scarf by my description, and that I was quite fortunate that it was placed out of the rain that fell during the movie. I was pleased that what I had done for others in similar circumstances was done in kind for me.


I continue to ‘pay-it-forward’, gestures beyond what money can buy.








Our ORBITAL representatives have gone into Space returning with an amazing amounts of information. Still our world population is none the wiser and fails to realize we’re all a part of the same ecosystem requiring caring and comprehensive collaboration/co-operation for progressive survival.


Those obstructionists who are unable to appreciate this Planet carrying on with Its holistic evolution ought to ‘get the hell off’ and allow those remaining to engage in these processes towards the Spiritual greatness awaiting!


Just my $0.02 worth.



1. Doreen Burke Palmer- I AM JAMAICA*

a  LEGEND  takes a  FALL


His day began with an impromptu tea ’n chat being sidelined which caused him to cast his mindset net onto possibilities flowing bye. He caught onto an idea and selected to walk in a direction that covered preferred activities of writing, exercise to an agreeable establishment which promised cordial exchanges.


He enjoyed a brisk walk into a kindly, engaging atmosphere. He did the writing intended and engaged with cordial people after commenting on overhearing their adjacent conversation. Looking out onto the street, the numbers of passer-byes had increased in numbers and frequency by their paces. He decided it was Time to depart into the chillier air accompanying the setting Sun.


His returning was to afford internal warmth to ward off the increasing chill of the incoming night air. A bonus for him was to enjoy two women ahead who drew closer relative to his warming pace. There was an interference by an oncoming woman did the ‘who-goes-where’ dance upon bypassing one another to avoid collision.


After their two-stepping and eventual avoidance of collision, there was an unforeseen event brought about by an unexpected condition. The City installed Accessible sidewalk gradients which he failed to adequately navigate resulting in his headlong plunge. Split second decisions were called for as he headed forward at an unintended and unexpected speed.


What was to be elected? Take the fall via self-preservation strategies learned during his decades of martial arts training, or protect the unsuspecting?


You see, opting for any kind of ‘roll’ would result in taking-out the women directly ahead of him, with them unaware of his position on approach behind them. Without Time to consciously visualize the outcome of his fall, a decisive call was required resulting in the women being startled and expressing dismay.


Their kindly concern for his position at their feet sufficed unaware of their averted potential doom. He looked up into kind, caring and lovely faces, and responded in kind explaining his ‘tripping’ process as an aversion of one mishap only to experience another. It appears a fall was in the cards


Undaunted, he looked back onto the woman he side-stepped, her disregard being unconcerned without looking back; he picked himself up, dusted himself off and checked for apparent damages. Finding none, externally, he went on his way feeling the internal aches brought on by his fall.


He proceeded to “walked-it-off as the saying goes”, psychologically preparing himself for the inevitable in the pain department; known and to become known, in the Passage of Time.




Accessibility Fail …

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