About Trust

07/12/2016

I had written this to describe a segment in Time/Space which was of no consequence to anyone save those involved, the players in this drama as you might say, or so I thought.

 

When I was young, very much like you, I took everything to heart trusting there was no falsehood. In fact, falsehood didn’t as yet exist because speaking of things as they are was all that I knew. Somewhere along the way I learned that everything I was told was not altogether as they are/were. Still, being unsocialized I kept to myself, most of the time, with temporary forays in the company of family relations and friendlies. I was one who most often kept his own company, with regular forays into Nature where I learned to internalize/reflect about goings on. Observing in favour of speaking was my way of growth.

 

I fell into a scenario that nurtured this behaviour throughout my formative years and into adolescence. Of course, things got complicated as I grew into adolescence due to filial and economic conditions. Nearing adulthood I ventured to spread my wings into society in spite of the shortcomings of the social order not being favourable. It was this decision that put me in harms way and I learned in no uncertain terms, as my mother once said to me, “People didn’t go to the same Sunday School as you”. This was her answer to a question about being assaulted by people I’d considered friends. I took to learning how-to-defend myself, which had dramas of its own.

 

Throughout this process of learning I gained a focus and direction, unplanned and unexpected. I fell into the vocation of education about which I was told nearing graduation. I applied and was accepted into Teachers College. It liked me, and in turn I liked it; until, as all things are a process, it appeared inhospitable after a time. As in all things, there are changes to human progress over Time. There is a downside to progress where momentum increases and all thought of caution is overridden in favour of the principle of risk-for-gain. Eventually, thoughtless errors surface and scapegoats instead of responsibility are sought claiming accountability as the reason.

 

I got caught up in the hype as my undiagnosed issues (ADHD-Asthma-Dyslexia-etc.), aided by other development oversights, as are the failings of many others. Due to my natural conditionings to observe, I was able to formulate coping-strategies which carried me throughout my early education years. It was a rough ride, especially living through the changing social conditions of the sixties/seventies. I made it through somehow, and was to operate on the suggestion of giving Teaching a try. This was a matter of timing, where the conditions of right time – right place – skill set to match coincided.

 

Over time, through those career years, conditions changed and I was unable/unwilling to go with the flow of the things I deemed unfavourable in support of acceptable human interaction. Self-Interest took centre stage in society at large, while I still operated under the premise of collaboration, co-operation towards harmonious co-existence. Through it all I forgot to include myself in the milieu of goings on, giving over my personal care and accommodated the desires/requests of others I interpreted as mutually beneficial. Fact, the mutual benefits were not equitable, in fact they weighed on the side of others which I accepted as fair, not realizing the growing distress to my psyche.

 

The result is where I am today, addressing multi-dimensional exhaustion while coping with Life in all its vicissitudes accompanied by ongoing expectations of a smile.

 

21. Ocean World DR '12

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