Once upon a time in my childhood, I was impressed by what friendship meant as proposed in Charles Dickens’ novel “A Tale of Two Cities”, then represented in the similarly named film to which I felt an affinity. This may have coincided with unconscious comprehension of Judaeo-Christian teaching to which I was also exposed in those earlier years. One cannot tell how a child’s mind accepts, understands and actuate what s/he is taught, especially unverified in the teaching process.

 

The Jude0-Christian belief’s overlapping with ‘A Tale of Two Cities’, unintended though it may have been might have been the intention of the author albeit unquestioned by this young mind. Fortunately, this comprehension was never tested while it was germinating as I grew. Little did I realize all my friendships were being situated within this comprehension, but without my knowing nor anyone else’s. Fact of the matter is that my early life was a transient one, which made feedback regarding this subsuming belief untenable. This was not to last.

 

Time passed, my transiency resulted in my emigration to Canada where I grew into adolescence. During this process I continued the transiency of my formative years, but with a difference. I was now in a defined social minority to which I was unaccustomed. I traversed in Time accumulating what I deemed friends but, as in earlier times, these friends were also of a transient nature. They were in and out of my sphere of living as I was periodically exposed to terms involving knowing the complicated social status into which I was now immersed.

 

My church going days were numbered as my mind became aware of the confining aspect of its institutionalization. I set about to establish what I was taught in early life with goings on in the world at large, religious beliefs functioning throughout the day without complications or contradictions. My early understanding of being a friend, along with its overlapping with the sacrifice preached about in the bible, was operational without being tested in its true meaning in accordance with my comprehension. This was about to change as Time went bye.

 

During my first year of high school I was to find myself a target of attempted assaults which saw intervention by fellow students, whom I gathered saw that I was not only unprepared but also lacking in comprehension of what was causing these attempts. The assaults lessened as I became more noticed, although an assault by a coach/staff-member went unnoticed being of a psychological nature leaving me with emotional trauma that took some time to eradicate.

 

On another occasion, a more public assault took place and two fellows I had counted as friends camouflaged themselves in a crowd that grew during the assault leaving me at the mercy of a biased law-enforcement officer in spite of witnesses to the contrary of what my attacker purported to relate. Another lesson in friendship with the added accent of practical social standing. Friend, still not fully occasioned in its true meaning, according to my understanding.

 

It was a year later, which I gather the preceding experiences were initiations in preparation into the world at large. Having failed at my first attempt at higher education, post-secondary without adequate preparation due to biased staff member who disregarded guidance for my benefit, I required work while awaiting returning to that place of higher learning. One of the occupations I selected was that of a doorman at an establishment I favoured due to its diverse social make up. Also, minimum wage facilitated the need for two-jobs and this flowed within my scope of ignorance.

 

I had made what I considered ‘friends’, while I was getting situated. Meaning, I was feeling less transient in that there was a settling into one place of residence until I would uproot and return to university. But, for now, I was to enjoy what felt like having what was the norm for many, a home. At fortune would have it, the circumstances around getting employed had to do with physical assaults by the previous doormen, and not being privy to the visual effects before and after I simply accepted the owner’s revelations, since I also needed employment.

 

Time passed, all appeared a fluid experience as all involved, patrons and owners, were content and enjoying the established routine. Unfortunately, although allowed to patronize the establishment, the previous doormen were fomenting a grievance and set about to express their discontent. Their attempt at assaulting me was sabotaged by the owners allowing me my first night off in three months. Not to be be undone, the assaulted the substitute doorman, whom it was felt only needed to maintain what was instituted during the previous months.

 

I was to return to the information of what transpired, with the displeasure of the staff who’d recommended my replacement. What irked them was not only that he had taken my beating, but also he was of their culture and I was not. Time passed as things appeared to return to normal, and a second doorman was hired, and the two men were barred from returning. This was not to be accepted by the staff, as it was felt there was a debt to be paid that I owed.

 

Upon closing about a month later, I was the last to make certain all was locked up and secured. During my ascent from below I stumbled on the stairwell as I lost footing from blanking out mid-step. I stepped outside to a crowded street, staff on one side with passersby on the other. I was to get a ride home on my fellow doorman’s motorcycle, and I took my position behind as I usually did. We rode off and I was pulled from the seat as he rode off, and the beginnings of being assaulted began. I was struck five times, in between each strike I inquired the reason and then requested the first assailant to stop. Striking me that fifth time caused me to begin fighting back, and he began to back off. Not so with the second of four assailants, as I turned into a barrage of fists which sent me falling backwards striking my head on the curb, knocking me unconscious.

 

I regained consciousness as I was being lifted onto the backseat of a car passing by, which I was fortunately run over on that darkened side street. I was taken to the emergency at Mt. Sinai, where the two Samaritans remained with me through my statement to law enforcement and my sister and mother’s arrival. It was then I uttered my confusion to my mother about the topic of friendship. “How do people one considers ‘friends’ turn to acts of violence?”

 

To this question my mother replied, “They did not go to the same Sunday school as you.” That reply has stayed with me, and has played out not only in my sphere, but also on the world stage over the following decades. My ‘Tale of Two Cities’, as well as biblical comprehension of its teachings regarding loving your fellow man, faces challenges without ceasing. There are those who still act in accordance with those aspect of my beliefs without giving it a second thought. What is evident is the increasing need for this understanding of being a ‘friend’, which appears be going extinct.

 

Have you a consciousness/conscience defining friendship?

 

 

6. Growing Still

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BASE BIASED

22/08/2017

FAITH?

We appear to function in a paradoxical complexity whereby we are told not to allow religious dogma to rule in civil interactions, yet faith this is called upon to rule in civil behaviours. In some countries there is the a constitutional mandate to separate church from state, still there is a trust bounded in faith to be civil and do right by one another.

 

However, there is nothing binding as these constitutional mandates are taken as guidelines in practice while involved in day-to-day activities. In politics, the so-called ‘electorate’ and ‘elected’ entertain self-interests that do not necessarily overlap, and are made to appear so, creating the initial disconnect that separates each other from the better parts of themselves. Or, so it is hope, believed.

 

This disconnect is biased in each person’s faith base, expected to keep separate when interacting with one another, while intrinsic values are founded on the goodness of one’s faith. A schizophrenic inducement, I perceive, overlooked initially, making going forward an unconscious challenge. Or is it?

 

While many attempt to judiciously adhere to this proposition, those adept use this struggle in contradiction to garner support for what many are fed to believe is critical to their survival. They are unable to think of their struggles while harmonizing the paradox into which they are born, and seeing at the same time they are being duped into disconnecting from their better interests on which their faith is biased.

 
Their belief is that their civilization’s survival is biased on an unknown faith where fear, on which their religious belief is based, is being used to seduce them to their detriment without soul-searching.

 

We are seeing daily challenges added to reconciling the separation of church and state. Fear feeds into their disconnect, which many are coerced appearing willing to accept. The tools for their use in their human developments are hidden in plain sight and used against many to stall others. They have become enemies unto themselves by feeding on the fear that plays onto their survival needs provided by those abdicating the obligations of the religious edict of ‘love thy neighbour’.

 

It appears those with the greater knowledge have been unable to comprehend the influences of the spiritual within their belief systems opting for self-interest, at whatever cost. Unfortunately, the cost is not only their humanity, but also Humanity at large.

 

If there is a way out, are you able/willing see and accept it, and act accordingly?

 

 

quiet-retreat

QUOTATIONS ~ 2

18/08/2017

BCE Place Financials

 
“As you work on your savings, don’t forget to save room for your life.”
I wonder, how many of us accept this saying reflexively on face value, without thinking, fully comprehending its import allowing it to subsume unconsciously? I can with all assurance say I am just now in a position to comprehend the actual implications of such a quote having survived making ill-advised choices. Had I someone who cared enough to advise me otherwise; but, such were not the cards I was dealt and I made do.

 

Note the next quote:
“When was the last time your health had a performance review?” It appears self-explanatory, but I an reluctant to project a suggestive input thereby loading it with my own experiential content not knowing what ‘health’ is being suggested/referenced.

 

Are ‘quotes’ thrown into the public realm imposing subtle suppositions upon the human psyche whose apparent commonality forces the recipient to “fill in the blanks” however their needs require feeding? ‘Landmines’ or ‘guidelines’, many requiring a ‘dogma’ to force relevance life-stylings?

 

Where/how do we go forward?

 

 

36b. Distorted View

One of those days

TO DREAM

14/08/2017

Does everyone dream, in defined dream situations as one is circling the drain of despair/depression?

 

I find it most interesting, if not curious, how the word ‘dream’ is exercised in people’s minds. You may have dream experiences, be a dreamer, dream of better Life situations, and/or be a daydreamer which now carries a label ADD/ADHD to which I could have been assigned had I been born in the 80s/90s!

 

Moving on, what is your addition to this word ‘dream’, interpretations, if any!?? How do you rationalize your assertions? Not so much to convince another of your beliefs, but adding to the wealth of convictions that abound? You see, I reserve opinion, input, due to the plethora of assertions already in vogue. You know some of them, I gather/presume. Ones such as, “success will always elude you, if you have no dream to lead your path”, and/or other similar adage/quotations.

 

I dream, more than some and not as much as others, but in daily life my process/progress is a collaboration/harmonizing of dreaming/waking states’ particulars/peculiarities which makes for quite the challenge in synchronizing with the world at large.

 

Given current conditions, how are you faring as you move through your daily life in dreams?

 

 

 

52a. In the Way

A – W – P

11/08/2017

A  Weighty  Proposition

 
Gifts often given, offered and accepted from family and friends, have the potential to become weighted the longer we live, as I have learned/discovered/observed.

 

Attachment, the affectations/after-effects, is the slippery slope into the arena of hoarding, the eventuality of clutter for some, if not many/most.

 

Very disturbing, especially if one ends up living alone. The after-effect of gifts, at onetime a benefit gradually becomes a beneficial-deficit to one’s solitude.

 

An overwhelming proposition, to say the least.

 

 

 

1. Saturday 11th Sept. 2010

At  The  Beginning

“Nothing, they say, is more certain than death, and nothing more uncertain than the ‘time’ of dying.” ~ Grimm: S6 / E10

 

Laying in bed, awaiting sleep and allowing thoughts of different illnesses passage through my mind. These are thoughts of ailments seen during days past and/or heard advertised over varying media/news outlets. Although, these thoughts are most troublesome, they are most often accompanied by visual references. This is my usual route into the sleep realm I endure and override as called upon.

 

The inference that no one is getting out of this Life alive is not a comforting one to those who’re enduring this life with only the Promise of a Better Life through dogma, or the dependence on Science to actualize the aforementioned Promise. The realities/actualities accompanying the varying sciences and technologies are apparently garnering quite the following challenging the status quo of the previously comforting dogmas.

 

Is this the cause for the immediate post-natal alarm sounded by each who emerge into this dimension, and subsequent tantrums until the challenge/drama foisted onto us for coming here is accepted as being here without foreknowledge of our tenure? What is your plea, if any?

 

I lay in bed allowing myself to accumulate sufficient energy from the cosmos to rise and face the unimaginable, the longer I am here.

 

 

2a. Getting Oriented c. 64

1964

BODY LOANS

04/08/2017

Are our bodies-on-loan to address unification with a chosen life-partner? Many options are proffered us; whereafter choosing, many spend lives learning the joy of Life, some succeeding while others not.

 

One avenue one I find offering the most problem/challenge, and troublesome to say the least, is sexual/sensual intimacy. At first it appears pretty straightforward, but within the confines of a ‘civilized’ society all manner of ‘issues’ emerge making what appeared natural unnatural, with disease the logical/reasonable outcome.

 

How’s that for a kettle-of-fish?

 

 

8. Gunboat Beach c.'61

Attuning

NIGHT MOVES

01/08/2017

NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP

 

In the dead of night a veil is drawn allowing the ‘spirits’ to roam the emptiness revealing what awaits, interpreted by sensitive receptors, often the dreaded.

 

There is that age old wonderment of the hereafter known as Death. How will it come? Will there be a struggle, or a happenstance where resignation is the call? I am not one to succumb to the struggles and depart-by-choice, and I may not be the type to stay on priding unknown fears to departing.

 

Still, there are disarming reflections from the day’s observations of those in dire straights, whether from birth discomforts, accidents/assaults, or disease and war experiences I’ve been fortunate to survive/evade, thus far. Allusions to ‘what ifs’ swirl and parade from the darkness through my mind, which I am able to review and allow passage hoping to remain free of their untoward influences.

 

Forgetful sleep is sought in lieu of comforting comprehension as I may not yet be ready, being in need of courage and/or in need of Divine Guidance. Tomorrow…

 

 

 

3e. Sleeping Quarters During Balcony Replacement

Forced   Accommodations

 

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