I’ve been afforded a luxury in Time to discover there’s a tricky process learning ‘how to’ put oneself first, without being arrogant and/or egocentric. It’s been my practice to always ‘wait and see’ when I could safely move forward, make the right choice that satisfies everyone involved. I have done this often without drawing attention to myself, which facilitated requests I felt duty-bound to acknowledge providing desired services to others. Simultaneously, I hoped my needs were included in my actions. I have concluded this behaviour a result of a female-dominated childhood, acquiescing and being passive aggressive.


Now in the enviable position called ‘retirement’, allowing time to decipher the dilemma of how to take care of me in spite of intercepts I allowed throughout the prior decades in my life, the process is proving long and arduous. The unexpected and unintended land-mines, pitfalls challenging anything that resembles progress, affects my daily attempt to align any discovered influences going forward. Unusual malignancies through ignorance, naïveté, miscalculations and socially projected ailments contribute negatively to the content and context within my environment.


Through this, I have noted those who claim to care about the well being of humankind are prey distracting from others their good fortune. They do nothing to support their offered good intentions, and I wonder about the way things have become in Life, the Way Life Balances Itself going forward. You may not have acknowledged the Lessons of History, understood the meaning expressed in the quote, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”; well then, comprehensive observations to awaken will be lost to your mentality, your style of thinking.


Where do you go when you fall into sleep at night?







If the Nature of the Game is to Win? Is it not then the Nature of Living to Die?
I have repeatedly experienced choosing ‘not to win’, recently realizing I chose to let live my adversary!


Question is then, what happened to me as a result of that choosing? I surmise, in making my choice, I passed on an imminent victory here to let other wins that is occurring on levels far above and below what my consciousness is allowed to know.


As with those who are tired of living, but afraid of dying: what do you choose to do when such emotions align? Are they recognized and acknowledged while going about your daily affairs?








The cellular notifies an incoming call/text and our body reacts regardless of actions taken, or not. Still, our autonomic responses have been reconfigured in accordance to devices created through innovations to improve human living conditions. Quite the paradox, ironic isn’t it?


Keeping the above mentioned in mind, how many of us victimized by various media hyping be they advertisings – public service announcements -and/or- political admonitions, realize how the statement, “Don’t let others determine how you’re to behave” misleads thinking of isolated self-determination? I mean, do we really comprehend our internal goings on?


Some of us are more aware of these goings on, but not always on every occasion in fluid circumstances occurring. Eventually, we face the prompted signals and act according to our unique conditionings benefitting accordingly which may be derided by those around who are bent on superiority biased positioning.


Where do we learn how to manage our responses, and benefit without the assault of our environment, human and otherwise?


I look back on my development, only to discover the deficits which I was able to unconsciously use to certain levels of benefit to the envy and jealous actions of others. Many of us consciously develop skillsets in determined ways, while many of others augment skills of Divine Design – Luck – DNA, unconsciously processing through survival modalities capitalizing on these developments as we go/grow.


Granted, there are observers who could assist in our growing but choose not to through fearful beliefs of losing what we gain, the inaccuracies of their mindsets. Thus, our underdevelopment diminishes in contribution to the Human Diaspora because of envy and jealousy, fear and greed: the ongoing dilemma in the human conditioning.


I have determined many such losses that would have created a domino-effect of benefits; nonetheless, Fortune allowed gains in spite of those negative onlookers.
Fascinating how fear motivates in our impediment, all the while Nature patiently imparts ways toward correction and watches our determined ignorance path.


Still, some of us accept Nature’s offerings as much as we are cognizant, doing the best we are able for as long as we’re above ground. If you have read this far, and are open of mind, may I suggest a retrospective on how arriving to this Present may offer you the benefit of a clearer path moving forward? Possibly, providing a domino-effect that is beneficial to our Human Diaspora?


Is this what Shakespeare had in mind?










When it comes to L O V E, many of us have experienced tales of woe, while many will regale with tales of triumph. I have been accused of the latter from a distance, which includes the rumour-mill, none speaking from direct experience save biased observance. I have never spoken of conquest, as some have interpreted my enthusiasm to be such. My construct of Love was fostered through cinematic scripting, ever having seen ‘love’ in the ordinary sense. Thus, I was framed to see and pursue to acquire-a-love not dissimilar to what was imprinted, which faded as the end credits.


My comprehension was without analysis, deconstruction, which action would destroy my fantasy upon observation, reflection and/or contemplation, if you will. Throughout my living, outside of family, loving – being loved – being in love – losing love were processes reflected onscreen and transferred onto interactions. Oddly enough, there were no shortage of participants which made concrete the various settings for love. Life flowed on, and none of us were the wiser, being in need for the closeness offered and acquired.


Of course, you have the many types of Love, accorded the previewed scripts and the willing requisite partners involved. There were unconscious components of which those involved contributed according to their biases and needs. Therein lies the rub, coming in alone from having only a visual-scripted experience, the ‘romantic’ scripted love satiated for a time while we lived our lives, going along our merry way to our undoing.


Noting the unfortunate/sad, Fact-of-Life without scrutiny, save misinformed and misinterpreted biases from pre-conceived and ill-advised diagnoses. I look back on the loves I’ve lost, all that were supposed to be ‘the one’. All were sabotaged through the flawed ‘scripts’ that escaped my childlike mentality that underscored my quests during later years. Life was comprehensive and in this part I failed.


I have learned much from great losses, and bid you kindness going forward. Adieu, until/should we – meet – again …





In Time…

B L I G H T  /  P L I G H T



Carl A. Hansberry, Chicago Businessman of the 30’s, after decades of attempting to assist in the improvement of African-Americans/battling Segregation, settled on relocating in Mexico where it is believed he died, having succumbed to health issues from the ravages of a life of disappointment seeking equity for people of his ethnicity.


His daughter, Lorraine Hansberry, took up his torch with a slight modification in how she would carry it. She chose Journalism and Writing, albeit without ever completing her college education having found a cause.


She establish herself as a writer, and with an acclaimed novel, ‘A Raisin In The Sun’, influence the social fabric of her time. Her play received wide acclaim and eventually played on Broadway, winning numerous awards depicting the African-American experience. It was a text I studied in high school but, without having a conscious context, it was just an intellectual and emotional exercise. Little did I realize it foretold of what I was to face emigrating to North America in the 1960s.


Succeeding in acquiring a university education, I began to learn about being-of-colour in a white power biased society. Oddly enough, this power biased base was hierarchical favouring a top tier to which all ethnicities appear to believe is within their grasp. Fortune favours the brave, with unknowns discovered as attachments after the fact, few surviving the journey and remain to be active, equal partners.


The saga continues with a two-step forward three-steps back given inadequacies inherent to a fish out of water.




Rickey Smiley OFP

T R U S T 

We all have this intrinsic quality, never expecting but having to learn Its loss at some point during our living experience. Here is an example, outside my living experience, which I comprehend and empathize. It incorporates the ‘long game’ played out at the outset of Bo Jackson’s college career path. The tale exemplifies the goings on in the global arena, which plays each us according to our biases and gives rise to the ‘win/lose’ dichotomy that satisfies illusions/delusions of grandeur.


This dichotomy is supported by, if not supports, ‘Pride’ and Its ‘Sinful Siblings’.


The specifics of his tale involved an invitation deliberately misleading , costing him his desired draft-status in the sport he preferred. One institution desired he play in their preferred sport to greatly insure the probability of a championship. They deliberately misinformed him to his chagrin, the result angering him and drastically changing his future. Not unlike what has occurred in many who’re considered lost causes and failed potentials.


It is beyond the comprehension of many to believe that what they were told was only to tailor their decisions to benefit an insincere source. The decisions made were biased on given information predisposing them to be placed in a position to benefit a trusted source feigning their best interest, but in truth were biased on nothing but lies.


Out of the gate, into this Life, opting for Trust is a given one best not expect a safe and stable journey going forward.




Behind the Drywall

Making Do …

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