W – O – W

09/03/2018

WAS   ONCE   WED

 

In continuing with my observations reflecting on the quantum ‘Butterfly Effect’, I offer this: personal intercept, with benefits I have yet to ascertain.

 

Three years prior to 1983 I met a woman towards whom I was enamoured; and, subsequently, and unexpectedly proposed marriage. During that phase of my life, I was quite the energetic, carefree, hyperactive individual unaware of my personal deficiencies which had affected previous liaisons, this betrothal included. This marriage was brief, to say the least, as we separated after three-months.

 

It is said, we learn through experience, but I had much to learn looking upon past decades.

 

Our separation spanned three years, by law then; and, by October 31st 1986, our divorce was finalized. It was during our separation that I had opportunities for healing intimacies. During those experiences I discovered women who exhibited sincere marriage characteristics more so than my matrimonial choice. It became evident that I was in an ongoing phase of learning, discovering the deficiencies of my interpersonal relationship reservoir/vocabulary. Through my early twenties I was engaged in superficial experiences biased by others impressions to which I was simply a responder. It was not until decades later that it became clear to me, including what others meant when they told me, “I was not the marrying kind!”

 

Many had exclaimed this to my face, and I denied that exclamation. I could not even imagine what was being said in my absence. Little did I know, or realize, or anyone else for that matter, that all of us were correct but for different reasons.

 

During my formative years, I had scant nurturing in the fundamentals of family settings. Acclimating to afforded limited family opportunities, I usually chose to be alone, to go ‘walkabout’ and commune with Nature. By so choosing, I acquired minimal interpersonal relationship experiences when they were served up. My younger sibling was more exposed to such opportunities and was able to garner nurturing that afforded her more of those interpersonal relationship skillsets.

 

Communing with Nature was a path I had chosen allowing me to survive as per gender expectations, then and now, according to the societal infrastructure of that era.

 

We are all afforded choices through multi-layered biases, whereby we sink or swim accorded through decisions made. Our accompanying socialization skillsets taken for granted, whether on instinct/intuition and/or modified by Providence, our way forward is actuated with behaviour patterns beneficial and deficient.

 

I have observed most everything untoward occurring in your life, with collateral rippling effects thus far, into this year. Hope springs eternal, not necessarily as ‘the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind’, but because my recall is comprehensive to a fault making me acutely aware of when/how my life went off the rails. More accurately, how I am where I am, via the nurture-nature construct of my being.

 

By design, I truly am ‘not the marrying kind’; unless, by some miracle a quantum shift unfolds.

 

 

 

12c. On Frederick

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