Sifting through the fog of distant memories, certain ones emerge into consciousness and I marvel at surviving. There is something to be said for caution and reluctance in the face of inexperience and insufficient information.


I recall while very small, barely walking and small enough to be seen but allowed to wander and explore the environment which changes without notification or warning relating to the aforementioned.


My father was into body building with unknown men in the environment, weight-lifting in a garage-like space where I recall exploring when they departed. This was the first time I realized I needed to grow and get stronger to be able to ‘lift’ the barbell that laid on the ground, not to mention the free-weights at various stations.


Skip ahead to another dwelling, this time a house with a second story. In this location I elected to roam both inside and outside the house when no one was around. On one occasion, I looked out onto a roof leading with rather a large tree alongside. I stepped out the window onto the roof, and as I carefully edged my way along, it occurred to me the quickest way to the ground was by jumping from roof to the nearby tree and climbing down onto the ground. A few deliberations passed through my mind before I made the leap and in short order was safely on the ground outside the house.


The daring do did not end there, as some involved neighbourhood children with whom I was friendly for the length of my stay. This particular occasion, for some unknown reason, we made up a game-of-dare with the bees going about their business. There were enough bees for each of the five of us to catch and hold. You see, the dare of the game was the one to hold a bee the longest was the bravest, and this the winner. Bees in the cup of our hand, the count began. No one really knows how much time passed, but one by one four of the lads released their bee, except me. 


I elected to see how much longer than the others I could hold a bee, not taking the ‘win’. Be it pride and/or vanity, I held the bee long enough for it to be fed up with its position and got stung for my effort. What followed was insult to injury, as the back of my hand swelled to my surprise. Keeping the swelling hidden from my mother, I bypassed reprisals that would be added injury to insult and injury. 







Episodic  Life-Patterns



It is unlikely many would take the time to consider ‘how’ their behaviours were fashioned, but time and circumstances have given me the opportunity to do just that in retirement. I have been afforded the discovery of contributing factors in making decisions biased in conditionings until recently unknown.


Socio-Economic conditions saw to a transient childhood where I learned what I called ‘home’ was simply the place where my immediate family lived. Length of stay  was not a consideration in comparison to what other families were able to experience. The impact of this transiency in my early adult years gave way to an unconscious desire to relocate every three to nine months wherever I was living. The longer I stayed in a place a restlessness would set in, and I began to look for a way out and relocate.


This sensation made me susceptible to suggestions by others and I found myself moving when it was not always in my best interest, until after settling into each new location. There came a time when I was able to recognize the inkling of the sensation as it arose, but unable to stop the pain of the restlessness within. Life conditions, what is labelled circumstances beyond a child’s control, enabled future-present actions others characterize and use as their rules-of-engagement towards me, and I had interacted with their assessments without prejudice.


Other Life conditions interceding have allowed for decisions to modify what may have been worse living conditions than might have been. I now sit in silence contemplating how to make the best of where I am after all that’s transpired. 


I have been blessed to glean throughout my lifetime of mindless accumulation, an enviable life by others subjective assessments. Giving consideration to all things, to which others are only superficially privy, I can in part accept their judgment.


Living modestly, while still learning, I continue onward …




3a. Taste test

E N   ~   R O U T E



The year was 1976, the Summer Olympics had come and gone with another strike against innocence taking place. In my world as well, trust and accountability had taken a toll. Arising from the ashes, I was reborn into the martial arts world and had gained notoriety through the ongoing experience. I had returned to my post-secondary education path, obtaining a 4yr degree in Fine Arts and Philosophy. I also acquired numerous championships in the martial arts world of competition during those years.


One of the championships was the title of International Tae Kwon-Do Federation, World Middleweight Free-Sparring Champion attained in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. At the time, this was not widely known outside the martial arts world, and my life continued as usual. The acquisition occurred on a weekend I was able to travel, thereafter returning to my studies in university, 1974. The following year was in a year of learning, having acquired entry level where the world of work was concerned. 


Having had numerous occupations since my teenage years, I was contemplating my next step in acquiring a longterm profession. In my final year of university, it was suggested I consider being a teacher. Not a part of my consciousness, by any stretch of my imagination, due to early living conditions experienced in growing up. Fortunately, someone had taken notice of my skillset and was kind enough to offer into my mind a path to consider. 


I was considering that option, while in an entry-level job in the then Toronto Board of Education Offices, I was offered the opportunity to participate as a member of a Canadian Tae Kwon-Do Team to tour Europe for six-weeks. We were to experience four countries: Germany – Greece – South of France – Holland. In order for me to participate I had to resign from my entry-level job, since I was to return to my studies for a Bachelor of Education at the University of Toronto.


It was while on tour I had an encounter with the police in Germany, along with the other members of the Canadian Team. This team had but one caucasian, the rest being Caribbean and South American. Needless to say, we stood out on the streets of Dusseldorf, and after having noticed armed soldiers upon arrival at the airport, it stood to reason due diligence was required by those charged of serving and protecting their citizens.


We had just disembarked from our vehicle when two unmarked cars swooped in outflanking us. Out came four plain clothed from each car flashing a medallion to establish their identify. Passports were requested, to which we complied. Without further discussion, our passports scrutinized were returned and the cars sped off disappearing into the city. I for one was amazed, and I remarked at the efficiency and tact of the experience. 


Unaffected by this brief ‘serve-and-protect’ interlude, we resumed our quest to explore the city that was Dusseldorf.




Germany vs. Canada '76

B U Y I N G ~ I N





Did we choose to depart one plane of existence to experience this other, only to systematically create in this reality a re-connection of the reality from whence we came calling it connectivity to the whole? 


Are we using technology, calling it Progress, to develop an advance civilization for future-present experiences in this dimension not knowing it is an unconscious desire for physical manifestation, a mechanical re-creation, to satiate our feeling of homesickness? 


Are we simultaneously engaged in an ongoing process exemplified by The Universe expanding into the vast unknown, fearfully manifesting the spiritual through mechanical/technological means?


We are so determined to be connected 24/7, we fail to notice the inherent traps and intrinsic pitfalls created by dogma to placate ourselves amidst noticeable discrepancies. We are only human! 





Dundas Sq. Interlude 2015



During a discussion with a longtime friend, this quote was revealed,“Don’t do unto others what is abominable to yourself.” by a Rabbi Hillel. Given goings on in people’s lives, we appear unable to do much otherwise in this regard. 


Humans are by nature social beings; thus, to be ‘unsocial’, solitary for far too long, takes unlikely/untimely tolls. 

Unlikely/untimely, in materializing as unrecognized and unacknowledged ‘collections’ in peoples lives. The extreme of collecting becomes ‘clutter’ and ‘hoarding’ with the accompanying qualifiers anxiety, depression and apathy spiralling into areas detrimental to all, directly and indirectly.     


There is hope, nonetheless, keeping this quote attributed to Confucius in mind, “Better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble without.”   




9. Road to Enlightenment

B U Y I N G ~ I N


O W N E R S H I P   ~   N O T I O NS  …  Pt. 2.



After having saved, I was able to purchase an all-purpose bicycle which lasted less than a decade through my first and only peer pressure experience. I was having fun with my all-purpose bicycle when I was introduced to a group of weekend riders. They had racing-type bicycles and one of the group members thought I ought to fit in with the group and upgrade. I was hesitant but allowed myself to be brought to a cycle shop and subtly-coerced into a costly upgrade to-fit-in.


Make no mistake it was a sensational looking-and-functioning bicycle, suitable and well-crafted. I didn’t have to struggle as much in keeping up with the group on outings, and they didn’t have to feel they had to ride slower because of my all-purpose bicycle. But, as it turned out, there developed dissent within couples, and a falling out between couples, decimating the group and leaving me in possession of two-bicycles! 


There I was, one who grew up not having the pleasure of more-than-one of possessions! My earnings allowed for purchasing instead of borrowing for the first time in my life, and not have to consider food and lodging as choices! Also, my vocation brought me in contact with a student who told me of his bicycle had been stolen. My guilt of being unable to adequately use ‘two’ bicycles allowed me to offer him my all-purpose bicycle which I thought would be put to good use in replacing his stolen bicycle.


He and his father showed up in a station-wagon with a broken-down looking bicycle. The thought of doubt flashed through my mind I was fed a line, making a guilty condition around my gift. It was to be an exchange, if I so choose, given the implications involved. I continued on with my initial intention, nonetheless, and I gave him the all-purpose bicycle gifting the other elsewhere, without entertaining thoughts of the trade that was taking place. It was another of many exposures and experiences in ‘lying’ to which I was to become accustomed. We parted company, mentioning nothing about it when our paths crossed in class, until such time as we ceased crossing paths by his graduation.


The racing bicycle was to serve me well, mixed-feelings of its acquisition often bothering me for the next two-decades, with a variety of experiences following. Time came when I was using the racing bicycle less and less. As usually occurs, there was an individual in need that did benefit by the use of my racer. Someone from the distant past emerged, we resumed developing a friendship that had not occurred. Along the way of this development, I allowed my racer to fill the void that emerged when his bicycle truthfully went bust.


There occurred a twist in this give-away when we had an unfortunate parting of ways. Before there could be a resolution, where our diverse principles had to be comprehended and compared, this friend succumbed to his ongoing distresses. Death took charge of resolving all, setting in motion an unknown chapter of the gifted racer.


Working in this country, between 1995 and 2017, I have purchased/owned 3 bicycles, which I was unable to foresee while growing up having taught myself how to ride on a Caribbean Isle, in 1959. I could not have foreseen the contents of this ownership path, much less have any idea of my bicycle giveaways. Notions of Ownership of any kind was never in my consciousness. I am amazed and pleased for those who can and have such concepts.


I cannot say I would exchange any of my experiences in getting here. To each her/his own, and ‘I have miles to go before I sleep’.






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