It’s been some time since beginning my journey in this martial arts style, and surprisingly acquired accolades I had not thought possible. These gains came with a price tag, also unexpectedly and without counsel or guidance.


In the process of going along I was swept into an environment where what I could do had benefits in recognition and financial acquisition. I was excluded from the early phases of the latter acquiring financial extras only through the winning of competitions, of which there were few. I did experience travel which I had never considered possible, although fighting was expected in the offing. One such travel experience was to my birth-country to face a Texan in full-contact combat, and briefly reunite with my father,  a Superintendent of Police in the Jamaican Constabulary.


While there we, the fighters, were introduced and processed through numerous press and radio interviews. Never having had lobster I took this opportunity to have a meal of one unaware of its preparation, which has unsettling side-effects. The morning before the fight I came down with cramps and what appeared food poisoning. Nothing I took seemed to avert, subvert the symptoms I experienced. To the rescue came my father who provided an island concoction to drink. It did lessen the pain so that I could stand and move about, so the fight proceeded.


Much was riding on the continuation of this multi-national battle of which I had not fully considered, since I was in the end stage of studies in Teachers College. The competition concluded in my favour, my fellow combatant submitting in the second round. We embraced, having learned much about each other prior to and during our combat, and we went to our respective corners after the usual hail to the winner.


I showered and dressed to attend the festivities that followed, and stepped out into the night air to release what tension remained in my body. Surprisingly, I was joined by me father and we exchanged greetings a fifth time. Before we departed from the night air he said, “You are being exploited.” The resonance of those words pierced through me making sense of what occurred in earlier years.


I was in a state of bewilderment the remainder of that evening.


I had not much time to fully process what had occurred the night before because I received a phone call to return to Canada immediately, if I wished to attend a job interview to which I applied. A job interview which was a culmination of years of education, with timely advice from friendly associations. Cutting short intentions to capitalize on this combat excursion, I was airborne answering a call to resume the aforementioned path. 


Yet another intriguing revelation on a lengthy and unexpected journey.





11. Victor&Don James c.'74




In adulthood, I find there are adults who’ve modified not only eating patterns but also dietary intake. Like everyone else, I had developed my meal pattern early on in Life which I neither recognized, nor acknowledged as restrictive on the island I was born. Not until after I emigrated to what is called a ‘First World’ country had this pattern that  occurring between ‘49 – ’70 risen to the surface. This I learned long after accepting a kindly dinner invitation from a fellow university student in the late 60s. Its import was, at the time, unknown. 


At the outset I was to serve myself, something I had never done in this context, and proceeded to do so. After beginning, I heard words which I acknowledged and kept on with serving myself. I was in a multi-facetted dimension, to say the least. I say, multi-facetted dimension due to the fact I was hearing words that elicited an awakening to having choices from affluence heretofore unknown, while reflexively performing tasks from which I had no pre-conception.


Being invited to ‘help myself’ to what I fancied was to be quite the undertaking. A large plate in hand, I went down the table placing portions of diverse foods onto it. Along the way down the table I was told I could go back for ‘seconds’. I heard the words, but had not fully comprehended the meaning. I responded to hearing the words, giving the impression of comprehension which was absent. A sizeable plate with a mountain of food in hand, I joined the folks at the dining table.


Others came and went while I sat and ate my mountainous plate. After an hour the main dining table, with its offerings, was being cleared. To my amazement, there followed a large assortment of what they called ‘Dessert’. Needless to say, I was alarmed after the meal I just consumed! The realization of ‘Plenty’ had yet to make itself known into my psyche, not to mention ‘Affluence’, ‘Choice’ and ‘Excess’! I was unaware of what my behaviour conjured in their minds as the evening progressed, albeit without undue incidents as we shared information getting to know one another.


This experience took decades for me to come to terms and understand. Only after having had many such dinners did how I might have appeared emerge. Then, it was as if a veil lifted, with attendant weightiness of early Life conditionings. I was being offered realizations that raised the obstructing curtains-of-unconsciousness allowing me more clarity regarding my operant conditionings. 


I had never known such choice, much less moderation from having had only one portion of food at each sitting, not to mention dessert selections. When I was told to serve myself, I saw the opportunity to try ALL I surveyed without recognizing the magnitude of the table set before me, ignorant that dessert options in waiting. 


Moderation, the actualization of satiation, had not been learned coming from the controlled environment being raised in a ‘Boarding House’. There a conditioning affected me for quite some time, and without interfering information continued throughout my adult years as I entered into retiring years!


This experience was recommended I put-to-words, from a sharing of similar tales with a colleague in my later years. In the process of doing this I came to recognize how the world experienced me mutually devoid of the background knowledge, as I am of anyone else’s. Biased by knowledge of my conditionings, I act differently being present without projections. Having survived those early years through happenstance, I am afforded Knowledge of the Self I wonder if any ever get to experience. Theirs might very well be, “The Unexamined Life!”, never getting-to-choose experiencing. 


Curiously, this ‘knowing’ comes with a price-tag. A ‘multi-layered’ price-tag tailored to each life being lived. Upon reflection, this Path I have embarked upon is intrinsically tasked with accepting and doing what I feel I may never fully comprehend. 


Is this how Life is to be lived?









There is a man, a familiar, who informed me of his life’s ongoing transformations.  He mentioned these first occurring when he emerged into this specified spatial arrangement, at an appointed time. His next memory of change occurred when he joined a family that chose to live apart, the partners eventually going separate ways and housed in matriarchal environments. These became the overriding and determining living conditions of his life going forward. 


More life changes occurred following that family’s divorce. Five years hence, the matriarch and primary care-giver went in pursuit of an escape opportunity to parts unknown. He and his younger sibling were deposited under a guardianship, a female-oriented home. Four years passed, then came a relocation. This time to a blood-relative environment, but without due notice.


My mind was in a tizzy, as these revelations increased. 


Notification of relocating overseas required vaccinations aa well as a passport. The overseas-flight to the new location included an addendum to the change, a reunion with the primary caregiver who was beginning to slip away from memory. His early life experiences had taught him to go with the flow as best he could, in coping with the many drama-traumas ensuing. 


While he spoke, I noted these changes occurred between birth into early adulthood. Throughout he experienced unsettling and unsuspecting fallouts, derivative of his prepubescent era subjecting not only he, but also with those he interacted in his many life experiences. 


Those early and subsequent years were fodder for Psychologists, whose manuals  made possible teaching Manuals awakening receptive mindsets.  


Experiences taking place from birth through high school graduation understood on introspection after surviving Life’s challenging opportunities! 






L I K E ?



On Passing a conversation, I overheard a string of, “It’s like, like; it’s like, like, like, …” ; obviously symptomatic of more than a loss for words, a vocabulary search to make a good impression?   


Cellular conversation: “Hi, my girlfriend might have left her jacket in your store, is it there?”

Hearing a response, he replied, “Yes, that’s the one.”

“Do you mind holding it, until we’re on our way back and can pick it up?

  • Now, you tell me what transaction took place with the ‘absentmindedness’ insinuated onto the kindness of the proprietor?


Sci-Fantasy idea:

Someone walking back from viewing a film, only to pass a hit-man disguised as a homeless-man who shoots off the back of this person’s head.

During the clean-up, the coroner notices something unusual about a piece of the grey-matter that may be suitable for his pet-project, the studying of data/info meta-transformation. He believes it will add to his study’s completion.


There was a Time when we all did what we cannot at this moment now do. Those of you who cannot relate to this statement, give it Time and you will. 

Those of you who can relate, how that make you feel?


S U N S E T S ! 

  • different countries have sunsets which symbolize similar implications of a Universal Home, in spite of their geographic disparities… 




A moment in Time…



There were two occasions where I did obey caution in the face of my ignorance. Still in my early years before my eighth birthday, I noticed trucks and cars driving by. What was of interest was, since they were made of rubber surely they could drive over my feet without doing any damage? I deliberated if I got close enough and slid a foot under a car, or truck’s tire I would learn if my theory self water. I decided to let the notion pass until I gathered more information on the subject.


I did likewise when deliberating a steam-roller during one of its paving project. Both car and truck testing were negated, after surmising both may be too heavy for my small feet to withstand in the face of my upping the challenge to a steam-roller.


Those previous cautiousness may have served me well in adulthood. Emigrating onto a continent, I was driving down a main street feeling rather elevated and in high spirits. Ahead, down the road, was parked an empty auto tractor-trailer with its ramp down. A queried assessment passed through my mind. Was it possible to go up its ramp, onto the top and soar over the cab and onto the road, and carry on driving down the road?


The temptation grew as the adrenaline mounted within. At the last second, cautious sensibility reasserted itself and I drove around the trailer to see if there was a car parked in front of the trailer. That was a major stumbling block for me electing not-to-jump. I calculated my shocks and springs may have been toast upon landing, but the possibility of a parked car added a reason to hesitate. True, after seeing the way in front was clear I could have made a U-turn and repeat the idea, but the feeling’s spontaneity was no longer there. 


Whether or not my formative years experiences raised a cautionary head is uncertain. One thing is certain, more information is required before the requisite calculations allowing me to take more chances.





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