UNRAVEL

 

 

On this Life-Boat we call Earth, over the years I have observed there’s much I am to learn while others have much to unlearn.       

Awaiting the cover of sleep, I reflected upon how fortunate the unfortunates were in my life. I endured. I overcame maladies, capitalizing on circumstances beyond my control whereby I was able to recognize and make use of alternatives that allowed others to endure and overcome.

No matter what and/or how much I overcame, I am overcome with gratitude for the challenging-opportunities I have received that netted me allotted comforts, while respecting those undergoing and overcoming relative circumstances with whom I would not trade places.

Without knowing the functioning minutia in others’ lives, I can but imagine we are all where we are for a purpose. 

Appearing without rhyme or reason, is it all reasonable and purposeful? Simply put, many refuse to recognize and acknowledge the Truth replacing It with ‘factual’ rationalizations.  

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.    

 

 

 

Conceptualizing

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LIP ~ SERVICE

31/05/2018

TRUTH    NOTWITHSTANDING …

 

 

I have noted when asked, “How are you?”, as well as, “How’re you  doing?” was my easy answer, as with most people. Until, I became aware of these not being a truthful reply! Would people be receptive, if I was to truthfully answer without appearing to come across as wingeing about Life’s seeming irregularities called challenging-opportunities?

 

There is a complexity to my lifestyle in spite of appearing straightforward and simple. Uncomplicated, yet difficult to explain (clarify) thereby dismissing what many would reflexively term (label) complaining (making-excuses).

 

I am quite often reluctant, possibly erroneously to exercise my choices (options) in coming and going, believing I am feeling depressed only to realize its basis in anxious-emotions bordering on panic. 

 

This process is a daily unravelling, regularly lifting me into an ongoing Time/Space continuum where I intentionally engage trustworthy and untrustworthy space-travellers, alike.

 

 

 

 

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HOW GOES the DAY ?

08/04/2018

PARENTAL   LOVE

  

What do you know of your prior mindset before receiving timely inoculations for current biases you deem of your own making?

 

Upon passing what I observe to be such a session between an adult and child, it became more apparent how little is known, and/or believed affective during these timely infusions. I saw the elder carefully readying the child to leave a space, only to overhear cautionary mutterings. Among other ‘truths’, for dealing with her/his functioning in her/his daily processes and interactions at-large, came unfiltered inculcations.

 

The sensation affecting me from the close-proximity of these two, the posture and tone of the adult pronounced this observation and contextualized current affairs more clearly to my awareness. Alarming to say the least. I can only hope there is hope in the future through others’ behaviours in spite of the witnessed cautionary tales spun during parental what is believed to be ‘loving’ exchanges. 

 

 

52a. In the Way

LATE ~ NIGHT DURGE

01/04/2018

ADDENDUM …

 

In the dark, be they demons or passing idle thoughts; meditating, awaiting sleep, realizations emerge.

 

I’ve lived a long while in this Time/Space Continuum and, like many other senior citizens, I am aware of developments experienced along the way occupying the Life spectrum from benefits to deficits. What does keep reappearing are aspects of ageing out, and not necessarily as I aged in! 

 

The world has changed with a disturbing equilibrium, if you observe the bigger picture. Some of us more fortunate than others to be on the elevated end of the plane. How this came to be is a matter for discourse, which I doubt will be accurate. Nature left to Its own devices Flows without regard wasting nothing, one way or another. The challenge is for us to elevate-the-process, going beyond the natural order and not in the manner we have been demonstrating.

 

We – have – the mental capacity, some possessing the will; although, not many of us are courageous enough, without FEAR to set the activities in motion, processes  by which all may benefit according to their proclivities.

 

What saddens me are the memories of those exiting out before me, and without having Life experiences with them. They occupy the categories of family – friends – acquaintances/associates -and- strangers. My earliest being a 14yr-old sister of my sister’s friend. Three years later, I had to forego a postponed tennis meet-up, when a friend departed en-route from visiting his girlfriend. Numerous students didn’t return after Summer Holidays during my middle years as an educator; and surprisingly, there were accidental and chosen departures by other students. Not to omit other friends and strangers who migrated through the avenues of illness, age and accidents. 

 

Throughout, were levied unexpected sorrows of relatives: grandparents – aunts – cousins – uncles who ventured to other dimensions via accidents, age, illnesses and accidents while I devoted myself to making a living being sole provider of me as I age up. True, we cannot be everywhere for everyone all the time. There need be no guilt and self-deprecation. It is unnecessary to beat oneself up over doing the essential things that kept one alive, and accept that nothing is lost to Time.

 

Sadness, of what might have been, infuses the feelings guiding me into the sleep-zone. These many deaths increasingly remind me about the importance of ‘being here now’. A notion receiving countless amounts of lip-service throughout the 20th Century into our Contemporary era, awaiting conscious awareness in action by each and everyone of us, thereby giving me hope for humankind while I age up ‘n out. Sweet sleep awaiting…

 

 

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DIGITAL AGE

 

It appears the ‘digital age’ has provided humankind with more than many unintended consequences deemed essential during the many mechanistic developments. In the process there was the loss of human connectivity, all the while promising quick ’n easy connectivity and improved living conditions.

 

Technological advancement without mature human spiritual functioning to sensibly balance the user operations intended.

 

Agree or disagree, look around, reflect and contemplate your navel!

 

Unless your mind has already fallen victim to its viral infection of convenience, you will find more than enough examples within your own life peculiarities to admonish much in our living conditions! I leave the findings to your particular predilections.

 

 

 

 

Connected Disconnect

NATURE   ’n   GAMER

 

If the Nature of the Game is to Win? Is it not then the Nature of Living to Die?
I have repeatedly experienced choosing ‘not to win’, recently realizing I chose to let live my adversary!

 

Question is then, what happened to me as a result of that choosing? I surmise, in making my choice, I passed on an imminent victory here to let other wins that is occurring on levels far above and below what my consciousness is allowed to know.

 

As with those who are tired of living, but afraid of dying: what do you choose to do when such emotions align? Are they recognized and acknowledged while going about your daily affairs?

 

 

 

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MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

 

 

The cellular notifies an incoming call/text and our body reacts regardless of actions taken, or not. Still, our autonomic responses have been reconfigured in accordance to devices created through innovations to improve human living conditions. Quite the paradox, ironic isn’t it?

 

Keeping the above mentioned in mind, how many of us victimized by various media hyping be they advertisings – public service announcements -and/or- political admonitions, realize how the statement, “Don’t let others determine how you’re to behave” misleads thinking of isolated self-determination? I mean, do we really comprehend our internal goings on?

 

Some of us are more aware of these goings on, but not always on every occasion in fluid circumstances occurring. Eventually, we face the prompted signals and act according to our unique conditionings benefitting accordingly which may be derided by those around who are bent on superiority biased positioning.

 

Where do we learn how to manage our responses, and benefit without the assault of our environment, human and otherwise?

 

I look back on my development, only to discover the deficits which I was able to unconsciously use to certain levels of benefit to the envy and jealous actions of others. Many of us consciously develop skillsets in determined ways, while many of others augment skills of Divine Design – Luck – DNA, unconsciously processing through survival modalities capitalizing on these developments as we go/grow.

 

Granted, there are observers who could assist in our growing but choose not to through fearful beliefs of losing what we gain, the inaccuracies of their mindsets. Thus, our underdevelopment diminishes in contribution to the Human Diaspora because of envy and jealousy, fear and greed: the ongoing dilemma in the human conditioning.

 

I have determined many such losses that would have created a domino-effect of benefits; nonetheless, Fortune allowed gains in spite of those negative onlookers.
Fascinating how fear motivates in our impediment, all the while Nature patiently imparts ways toward correction and watches our determined ignorance path.

 

Still, some of us accept Nature’s offerings as much as we are cognizant, doing the best we are able for as long as we’re above ground. If you have read this far, and are open of mind, may I suggest a retrospective on how arriving to this Present may offer you the benefit of a clearer path moving forward? Possibly, providing a domino-effect that is beneficial to our Human Diaspora?

 

Is this what Shakespeare had in mind?

 

 

 

 

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B L I G H T  /  P L I G H T

 

 

Carl A. Hansberry, Chicago Businessman of the 30’s, after decades of attempting to assist in the improvement of African-Americans/battling Segregation, settled on relocating in Mexico where it is believed he died, having succumbed to health issues from the ravages of a life of disappointment seeking equity for people of his ethnicity.

 

His daughter, Lorraine Hansberry, took up his torch with a slight modification in how she would carry it. She chose Journalism and Writing, albeit without ever completing her college education having found a cause.

 

She establish herself as a writer, and with an acclaimed novel, ‘A Raisin In The Sun’, influence the social fabric of her time. Her play received wide acclaim and eventually played on Broadway, winning numerous awards depicting the African-American experience. It was a text I studied in high school but, without having a conscious context, it was just an intellectual and emotional exercise. Little did I realize it foretold of what I was to face emigrating to North America in the 1960s.

 

Succeeding in acquiring a university education, I began to learn about being-of-colour in a white power biased society. Oddly enough, this power biased base was hierarchical favouring a top tier to which all ethnicities appear to believe is within their grasp. Fortune favours the brave, with unknowns discovered as attachments after the fact, few surviving the journey and remain to be active, equal partners.

 

The saga continues with a two-step forward three-steps back given inadequacies inherent to a fish out of water.

 

 

 

Rickey Smiley OFP

C O N U N D R U M

07/01/2018

A N X I O U S  ~  M O M E N T S

 

These are the Times of the fortunate unfortunates who experience, each in their own way, familiar – similar – superficial appearances. This is a process celebrated and hated interchangeably, called AGEING.

 

Look to any news media outlet, and you will most likely overlook their sponsors’ prime directive. The farming of minds by planting seeds offering up harvests that promises delusions of grandeur to hapless souls bedazzled by fanciful images and words that are seldom ‘heard’, until meanings attached exhibit shameful follies.

 

Whence come we, and whither do we go? What are the treasures acquired that we may take on the promised forever journey?

 

We arrive a seemingly blank slate, but not really. Few truly grasp the paradox as growth occurs after emergence. Much is absorbed, biased and unquestioned, and held onto through fear learned believing to be the only route to survival. Once the benefit of open-mindedness is demonstrated, a complexity emerges making the way forward dire straits.

 

Some are fortunate to accumulate decades en route, but the qualities of these quantities are often found wanting in Time. Inner and outer conflicts constrain self-loving and are projected onto unsuspecting others in ignorance, without realizing there are ongoing resultant actualities. Throughout these experiences there are sudden and unexpected departures, and those of us who become aware of the waning light face yet another set of fears.

 

I postulate many attempt to make peace with ageing out, while others ‘refuse to go gently into that good night’. There are those of us who believe in accepting the inevitable, such as It’s conceived, daring to consider a finality of sorts. I vacillate in the sensation of a cork in the vast ocean, or a leaf on the wind, never knowing for certain what is or isn’t.

 

All promotions of celebrating and admonishing youth and ageing create havoc within the human psyche’s framework, where differing belief systems’ offerings have illustrated and accented these havocs with increasing sophistication. There is nothing new under the Sun, and the chase through Time leaves untold minds unsatisfied and delusional.

 

On the bright side; … is there a bright side?

 

11. WestSide Wharf 5:15:13

 

 

SINGLED OUT … 1.

10/12/2017

LAYING in WAIT

 
Late one afternoon, while walking down Yonge St. below College St., the Carlton St. side, I happened upon what appeared a transaction involving a gift-card sale. The prospective buyer was in the process of taking a snap-shot of the card’s face ’n chip while the seller was keeping his pitch ongoing. Upon hearing this, a familiar episode of mine from the Christmas season of 2015 vividly came to mind.

 

I remember walking down the same side of Yonge St. feeling the Christmas Spirit,
just above Dundas E, a fellow in a parked upscale SUV asked for directions to the airport, which was how my escapade began ending with me a sizeable sum lighter but with fashion attire I wasn’t one to ordinarily purchase.

 

Prior to this was a notable experience in the 80s with one I mistakenly took for a friend, having spent time with others in friendly engagements, such as partying poolside at his home in the burbs. Similarly, as in my Yonge St. stroll, I was in a harmonic glow, which he recognized and took advantage of, weighing in my sense of friendship. He used it quite well in ‘borrowing’ a sizeable sum he delayed in repaying, until surmised it best I to walk away from as another lesson.

 

Happening upon me on leisurely walkabout often finds me vulnerable. Exposures I am want to guard against, considering these two references are but the tip of the iceberg when it comes to such encounters. Escapades, including panhandling/street-homeless folks, round out seduction scenarios around this fair city of ours. In times of need, survival instincts surface to create prey and victim of family, friends and strangers alike.

 

 

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