My first crush, 13yrs old viewing a performer in a play at my sister’s high school. To me she was a vision, unaware my crush was a combination of her appearance and the role she was playing. With this false insight, I was enamoured with the notion of becoming a similar performer that I might develop a relationship after being introduced to her.


I did join my high school’s theatre troupe only to discover stage-fright and the malady of needing-to-pee before going on-stage. There were a lot going on with me, in my life, unbeknownst to me. The natural was biological about which none was willing to elaborate, another being the imminent emigration to result in the reunion of our mother who had to leave us behind throughout my formative years.


I carried this crush, romantic fantasy with me throughout the years that followed. Not a week went ‘bye’ for the following 5yrs increasing the homesickness feeling in accompaniment. Then, I was able to return to my birth country, most eager to rekindle that spark of what I believed to have been love at first sight.


After landing, I set about finding my lost love. I was to be dealt a blow that was to become familiar as a ‘growing pain’ in years to come. I was able to make contact, and made arrangements to visit her at home. It had not occurred to me that we had but seen each other less than five times entering our teens, and five years had passed with each of us having vastly different experiences.


I made my way to her home. Her mother greeted me and seated me on the veranda with lemonade to cool the heat of the afternoon. She then appeared, not the vision I had carried all these years. Her hair in curlers, slightly acned and underdressed as she was preparing to go out on a date. I put on the best accepting face I could muster, as we sat and exchanged pleasantries that revealed she barely recalled meeting me. I was her friend’s brother, a position I was to have for many decades to follow. Time passed quickly, yet slowly simultaneously, whereupon I bid my farewell never to see her again.


I often thought of her, as the years drew bye. Especially, walking through the few neighbourhoods I recalled noticing how much narrower the roads seemed than in my childhood. It was on one of those meanderings I became aware of the adage, “I could not go home again.” What was to follow only solidified that notion no matter my wishful thinking.


I have visited my birth country maybe seven times in the fifty-five years since I’ve emigrated, the last being the funeral of the man designated my father. A man of whom I have a regard that cannot be defined, as I have no idea/concept of what ‘father’ means. But, we did have cordial relations, unlike the ones he had with my sibling and her relations, as well as my other relatives who knew and talked of their relationship with him.


Through it all, I learned to make my home wherever I am of a mind.




9. Before Emigrating '62


A K – 13




Oh, what a day that had been! Plans were changed the night before due to needing a less aesthetically demanding day. On the way to an ethnic-flavoured luncheon followed by a matinee movie with a neighbour. My body’s internal heat factor running high, I elected to untie my silk scarf and leave it askance about my neck secure in the feeling I’d be aware of its presence.


As circumstances would have it, conversation and other distractions, I lost track of my sensibilities keeping track. Lunch was had, with varied conversation topics followed by a stroll with an ad hoc search while awaiting the movie’s scheduled time. The day was sunny, clouds slowly moving with promise of fulfilling the rain forecasted.


We entered the theatre, I took the stairs and my friend the escalator. Upon entering our designated purchased auditorium I realized I had misplaced my silk scarf along the way. Too late now, the movie was in previews mode and I began to guesstimate all sorts of scenarios of where and how the loss took place, and my plan to retrace my steps to see if this much complimented scarf will be found.


The film ended, a much needed bathroom break achieved followed by interrupted departure to ascertain IF the scarf was lost inside the theatre and was returned to the theatre’s Lost ’n Found location? It was not. In the rain, we began retracing our steps when I wondered if we ought to check our stroll-after-lunch route, just in case. I doubted the possibility of this scarf being picked up and made available on such a busy thoroughfare, but no stone left unturned, as the saying goes. I was correct, it was nowhere to be seen, much less found.


In the declining rainfall, we resumed our interrupted earlier route, all the while hoping but not expecting to be proven correct in my assumption. The scarf slid off my shoulder onto the sidewalk near a major intersection, was picked up and placed in a visible location if I was to return seeking it. We talked as we walked, keeping an eye out for the act of that kindly soul having done the right thing.


Approaching the major intersection, retracing our earlier route, I saw to my joy and amazement my beloved and much compliment scarf atop a mailbox in a doorway. My friend was also amazed and remarked he would not have known that scarf by my description, and that I was quite fortunate that it was placed out of the rain that fell during the movie. I was pleased that what I had done for others in similar circumstances was done in kind for me.


I continue to ‘pay-it-forward’, gestures beyond what money can buy.




In a by-gone era, there was a poem which resonated so much with the masses a that a soundtrack was designed to accompany it over the radio-waves of the ‘70s/‘80s. What was rarely known was that it was not the only poem discovered in that Old St. Paul Church in Baltimore of 1693. I am speaking of the fabled Desiderata that has since been infrequently resurrected.


Over a decade later, I discovered along one of my many walking routes, that other poem presented as a sequel. As is customary, sequels do not fare as well, and less welcomed when the original had such notoriety. It occurred to me this sequel required more from the listener/reader than the first, especially since it did not sound as romantic nor flowed as easily, possibly due to those requirements.


If you choose to read it through, let me know how you find its meanings and/or influence(s) on your sensibilities:


In whatever religion you have been taught,
However you have been brought up, and
However you have understood your teachers…
on these levels you will understand and grasp this message.
It is not enough that this message be believed.
It is a message to be lived.

The essence of Universal Religion is Peace and Truth,
with Love for and Kindness all the creatures of the earth.
Now is the time to express this essence in your own life.
A beginning must be made, and the place to begin is with and in yourself.
You want to reform the world? Begin with yourself, brother (sister)!
The message of the unreformed reformer seldom inspires reformation.

The heart of all Religion is Love.
Love not only family and friends! —- for love limited is love denied.

Seek peace within yourself and seek, too, within yourself the Divine Breath of Life.

Persist in these things! Do not let up for a single moment!
Through your faith and through your deeds you shape your life and help shape the lives of others, as well. What a responsibility!

The Spirit finds in you Its agent and also Its partner, and to the degree that you are aware of this and act on it, your life is enriched.

A revelation will occur to you… a revelation higher than your exalted dreams.

A New Age is coming, and in it there will be a realization of the Oneness of all.
Differences between the various Religions will disappear. The good, which is in each of them, will be fused and will become the common goal of all mankind.

Know that you have the power to choose! Choose love, not hate; choose gentleness, not violence; choose holiness, not evil.

Dare to believe that the Reign of Love and Peace is coming soon!
Ready yourself for it! Ready yourself for it with deeds of righteousness!
Righteousness is the door-opener, and beyond the door is love.

May power divine enter every aspect of your life endowing it with the rewards of material accomplishments , the treasures of purposeful existence, and the eternal light of spiritual achievement!

Found in Old St. Paul’s Church, Baltimore, dated 1693

It impacted psychologically on my sensibilities, more deeply than the first but not to displace its predecessor’s emotional impact. I refer to this sequel occasionally, as needed; and, believe me, these days there is a need…




In Time…

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